I was called to Serve

When I lost my mother to breast cancer April of last year I felt feelings of anger, sadness, pain, hurt, regret, loneliness and disbelief. My entire world felt as though it was caving in. My mother was not just a mum to me, but she was my best friend, support, encourager and # one fan. My kids adored her. It's been 7 months now and I still experience feelings of emptiness. It's funny because many times in death, people tend to become distant, cold or withdrawn for whatever reasons. My mother always had a pure heart for others and I guess the mantle was passed down to me. A month or two after she passed I said to myself, "I give up!!". I am tired of trying, tired of always doing the right thing, tired of "going through". To my surprise the Lord had another plan. I have always been a person to disguise my feelings of hurt and pain, so when people asked me if I was ok I would always say, "Yes I'm fine". I was masking my true feelings.Trying to keep it all bottled inside. One night when I was listening to one of my mom's favorite songs something triggered that "switch" of tears and sorrow. Normally I am able to turn that "switch" on and off but that night however I was unable to. I laid in my bed and drenched my pillow with my tears that flowed for hours. I kept asking, "why? why?why? At that moment in time I felt this warm presence soothing my painful heart. I made a vow to my mom and the Lord that even though I am going through the "process" of dealing with her death, that I will be the best I can be, I will allow him to make my name great, I will serve him with all my might and that I would be a light to my peers. I heard this soft voice say to me, "healed to serve". I remember my mother saying that to us after she was diagnosed back in 2006. The next Tuesday I went to a service at my church and my wonderful Pastor had ministered to me and told me that my mother's anointing rests on me. I shared this because sometimes we might be going through the most difficult time in our lives, as human beings we tend to "mask our true emotions". But if you allow God's presence to lead and direct your life, you do not always have to know why, but when it's all said and done and we have gone through our "process" we are called to serve. Sometimes the things you go through are not for you, but are designed to help someone else:)

Stay tuned for the book Guys!!